happy

oct. 26, 2019

tonight, i am happy.

happy because i’m here. happy because i can be proud of what i’ve done the past few months. happy because after all the hard work, i finally caught a glimpse of what it means to be just plain good at something.

since july, i’ve worked and worked to move my body and a six-foot metal pole in a way that looks beautiful while dancing across a football field. i’ve performed on four different fields, on the streets of my town, and in a gym, in front of hundreds, and perhaps thousands of people.

and believe it or not, i loved it more than almost anything else i’ve ever done.

i was shy, scared, confused, and clumsy when i walked into band camp, but last night i walked out onto that field and i was confident, smiling, laughing, even as it rained and i couldn’t see. i’ve found a place where i belong, something that’s been a part of me for longer than i’ve been a part of it.

there were moments that were hard. moments i was so angry i could hardly see straight. people said i couldn’t do it. people said i shouldn’t do it.

but last night, i proved everyone wrong.

last night, we showed the world (or maybe just the crowd last night) that our band is not a failure. that we have worked hard and we’re back, even after everything.

i am so incredibly thankful i got to be a part of this group this season. i look forward to all the next seasons i have in front of me, both in marching season and in winter guard.

the more i preform, the more i realize that this is what i’m meant to do. that i love this and, to my own shock, i’m actually pretty good at it.

so here i am. more of a performer than i’ve ever been before. better than i’ve ever been before. more confident, more graceful, and more at peace with everything i’ve known.

and this is only the beginning.

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